Confessions: Wedding Photographer as Wedding Guest

October 14, 2008

This weekend was the third and final time I will have been a wedding guest in 2008. We traveled to New York City for Jason and HyeYun. Although Jason had always said he wanted to hire me to photograph his wedding, as I predicted, in the end they chose a Korean team of photographers to document the day.

I will admit I was aghast at the aggressive style of shooting employed by the Korean photography team [observe]. Two photographers were literally onstage, walking around and getting inches from the couple during important moments of prayer, vows, and ring exchange. The principal photographer (who, incidentally looked and carried himself like a Korean soap opera star) blocked the congregants’ view of the kiss and rings, which is a personal pet peeve, and continuously followed up his very obvious photos by conspicuously checking the image on the back of his camera (we call it ‘chimping’). He even walked between the two mothers who had done the unity candle thing, almost knocking them away from the altar in their elaborate Korean dresses after they had delicately bowed to the congregation… because he suddenly noticed that the bridal party was coming into the sanctuary. In a major moment of faux pas, he stuck his camera over the shoulder of the pastor while the pastor was praying and shot close in at the bride and groom’s face. I was later told that this is a normal way for a Korean photography team to act.

This entire experience caused me to think about being a wedding photographer who was NOT asked to photograph a wedding. As part of my daily routine, I am in contact with large networks of wedding photographers. There are camps on either side of the “will you photograph your friends’ or family members’ wedding?” question (my answer is yes, I would love to… but not for free) and it is often discussed whether as a wedding photographer we would bring our gear to a wedding we attend as guests.

Some heroic individuals claim when they attend a friend’s wedding they just want to drink and dance, and maybe bring a point and shoot camera to take arms’ length selfies with their spouses. Some of us don’t even own a point-and-shoot, and would never attend a major event without camera in tow. A passionate group of individuals, few of us wedding photographers will ever admit to ego issues on the topic of our relationship to images from the wedding day.

I think it’s kind of inevitable… most of us bring our gear to weddings and think in the back of our heads that we’re going to get much better photos than the chump our friends hired, even at times we are determined to take the day off. Since photography is our life, it is natural that we would continue taking photos of our friends as usual and we want to give our photos as a wedding gift, which cloaks our real intentions. Subconsciously, we’re either offended we were not asked to shoot the wedding, or want to save the day if the hired photographer messes up or appears to be doing an inadequate job. Which of course, they always are. And thus we wedding photographers as wedding guests often ironically become our own nemesis… the friend with a camera (or ‘uncle bob’ in industry-standard terms).

I say most of the above tongue-in-cheek – my friends hired talented artists to document their day and I am confident all got beautiful images and albums. I do not presume that I am the best photographer or that everyone should hire me… also, not every wedding photographer has ego issues. My own realization and the point of laying this all out there is to share my self-discovery – I have become more astutely aware of my own ego as a wedding-photographer-turned-wedding-guest. And also more aware of my own dedication to unobtrusive wedding day coverage.

In preparing for the wedding, I decided to bring only one lens. Since I shoot with prime lenses I had to decide which focal length would suit the day adequately. I chose to bring my new 35mm lens which is a current favorite… this also meant that I lost the opportunity for tighter detail shots from far away (such as from sitting in the middle of the congregation during the ceremony). And then I took my personal challenge two steps further by bringing only a 2GB memory card, and then limiting myself to taking only 50 images throughout the entire wedding and reception (even as a guest I go into default photographer mode and usually end up shooting 500 or so on several 8gb cards!!!). I got the 50-frame idea from brilliant Vegas photographer John Michael Cooper, and I actually succeeded in limiting myself… except for blowing the image quota when they busted out the traditional Korean bowing ceremony at the end.

This wedding was a wonderful but mixed experience. As mentioned above, I did have a really difficult time watching the photography team throughout their work. My stomach was clenched and I felt a little nauseous after the ceremony – a physical reaction to the felt horrors of what I was seeing. From my perspective, the wedding threatened to become all about the photographers getting their images rather than a natural progression of traditions and community centered upon the actual covenant and the joy of the couple becoming one. The images I linked above aren’t even the worst – I was limiting myself to only take a few photos and didn’t do the in-your-face photography justice. During the reception, traditional moments were paused, posed, created. This is so different from my own candid editorial style during the course of a wedding, although I did appreciate that they were giving the couple something they obviously wanted and I could not provide (macro shots of the ring exchange, for example!).

"Wait... where are they? I can't see because there are FOUR photography people in that small room."

Limiting my own camera use was a really interesting and humbling exercise. It forced me to choose my shots carefully. One go at everyone walking up the aisle, only a few images to represent the beautifully choreographed first dance. I did in fact end up dancing with friends during the after party because I wasn’t guarding a bag full of equipment or trying to hide behind my camera.

There were a few images from the 50 that I absolutely adore. And there are 30 images I have chosen to represent the experience from a guest’s perspective. More on that in the next post.

Posted in ethnic wedding, for photographers, personal, wedding